237. Closure

the reptilian skies 

shed their night skins,

each dawn;
how we wish we could shed our past too?!

ain't it tough -
walking through these alleyways
filled with razor-sharp shadows
of moments long gone?

these

flickering memories
bickering memories
snickering memories

---

we trade 

shooting stars for empty dreams 

through sleepless centuries

we dress 

tainted music in white noise 

with clenched fists

we brave 

uncomfortably familiar conversations 

for desperate romances

pointlessly
juggling memories
snuggling memories

struggling memories

---
 

we wonder -

why tomorrows cannot be yesterdays?

why everybody puts off

burning those letters 

hidden at the bottom of their chests

of heartbreaks and nightmares

and unanswered questions?

why stories leave us 

but never die
while we sit here

waiting to hear their obituaries?

forever

shuffling memories
baffling memories

stifling memories

forever 

waiting for closure

---

236. Cowards

I checked them, barbed wire fences, out

now, let me sit still
and not make a sound

they are out there
prowling outside my bubble
trying to tell me
that my bubble doesn't exist;
and that, even if it does, it won't for long

I just want to sit pretty
and keep to my pop music,
pop corn
and honey popsicles

but they -
they want to show me reality

I don't let sunlight peek in through my windows
I rather
bask in the hues of my high-resolution screens

lest the world get too real
the world where lives are but public comedies
the world where lives are but private tragedies

but they -
they want to show me reality

d'uh, like I care!
who cares about dead people anyway
or the ones, who will be dead soon enough?

so, I weave barbed-wire conversations
and wrap them around my bubble

they will try to get in for a while
and when they hurt real bad, they will go away.

let me go check on them, barbed-wire fences, again

and if that is what it takes,
I will snarl
I will sneer
I will scream
but I will put them back
my barbed-wire fences around my bubble

because I don't want anyone telling me
that my bubble doesn't exist
and that, even if it does, it won't for long

because I am a coward
but then, aren't we all?

let's just publish our apologies
on our epitaphs

235. Ummeed

gin ginke savere utaare
ek tu hai ki aata hi nahin

chun chunke andhere guzaare
aakhir tu aata kyun nahin

aa jaa
saath apne
thoda ishq tu laa de
thode ashq bhi laa de

apni jaan ganwaa doon
thoda ishq to laa de

---

ulta latka gaya tha, parda ye aasmaan ka
taare jhadne lage hain, aashiyaan jal gaya hai
phir bhi dar pe jame hain, sard raaton ke teele
aag lagti nahin hai, dard jalta nahin hai

jahaan raatein padi hain, thodi aanch badhaa de
zaraa ishq chadaa de, thode ashq jalaa de

---

jitne lamhe the saare, sadiyon me bah gaye hain
yaadon ke kuch nishaan hai, ghaav se rah gaye hain
aise me ab tere bin, saans bharna bhi gam hai
saath jee na sake to, saath mar le - kya kam hai?

jahaan zakhm pale hain, aake ashq lagaa de
ab to jaan ganwaa doon, thoda ishq to laa de

---

234. Morning monologues

no
don't do it yet
don't turn yesterday off

no no
not yet
don't turn tomorrow down either

I am yet to make up my mind

I am yet to pin down
all your smiles in my scrap book
your smiles that rhyme with the seasons in my bed

I am yet to paint
all your sounds on my roof
your sounds that mirror the creases on my forehead

no
don't wake up yet

let me hear you
gently breathe in the colors of the night
for a while longer

just like
I watch you
slowly skim through our days
and strip them of all illusions

don't open your eyes
don't let today in

I still do not know
what to do with today

you have kept me too busy

no 
don't let today in
not yet

what if
today
is not built to be our home

what then?
huh?!

233. Afwaa

usne mujhe dekha
aur maine use

main use jaanti to nahin thi

magar use dekhte hi
mere zahan me
ik khayaal aaya

aisa khayaal
jiske masoom se chehre ke peeche
hazaaron ajeeb-o-gareeb kahaaniyon ki gunjaaish thi

jaane-anjaane me
main uska zikr karti gayi

maine zyaada kuch nahin kaha tha
kisine bhi zyaada kuch nahin kaha hoga

par jitna bhi kaha tha
kaafi tha

afwaayen yunhi nahin phailti!

232. Come alive

here I am
performing
my life

for you
during the commercial breaks
between the seasons
that you watch and douse vacantly

for you
to notice that
you could be alive-
but are not

I want us to be us again
our voices
trespassers without inhibitions
running amok in crowded skies

here I am
performing
my life
performing this schizophrenic tale
that lumbers through your drowsy days
so that we fall back in
where we belong

I don capes and shrouds
each dawn
and fling myself off fake memories
each dusk
for you

here I am
performing
my life
for you to join me

I have tried all the moods
in our wardrobe
to jolt you back into madness
but you still remain sane

and tonight I am going to try on
the last vestiges of insanity
left in there
and woo you back to life

and if you don't come over
I warn you
I will join you in your lifeless sanity

you wouldn't want that,
would you?

231. She wanted to be...

she wanted to be
a love story

no - not an unbelievably touching tale!

she wanted to be
revoltingly credible

and so she screamed and howled,
hoping the world would conjure up
the love story
she wanted to be

and she waited
for him to slap her
for bombs to explode in the background
for loud percussion to accompany their each thrust
for aliens to abduct her

but nothing ever happened

all she ever wanted was to be
a love story

no - not one that is timeless!

she wanted to be
a contemporary love story
a raucous pungent ugly violent disturbing one!!

if only she knew
that he loved her too much for that

and unfortunately for her
she will be remembered
as a sensuous love poem
for centuries to come

poor thing!

---
Dedicated to love-hunters in the jungle
and a birthday boy.

230. Bablu ke shauk

 hatheliyon me apni kismat padhna
 paheliyon me apni hasrat likhna

 nazmon me deewano sa ibaadat karna
 boson me dil ki inaayat likhna

 har shab kuch puraane khat padhna
 har subah ik nayi muhabbat likhna


--

 aye haye haye haye... mu-ha-bbat!!
 bevkoof!
 tu aise chakkar me mat padiyo, bablu
 kahe deti hoon, haan!
 ye pyaar-vyaar badi mahangi lat hai

 random nazron me green signal mat padhna
 dil aa jaaye kahin to love letter mat likhna

 aise dangerous shauk paalte hain jo
 woh aur honge fursat-waale.
 hamare paas in sab ke liye
 na time hai
 na paise

 ye le paise, sethji ke dukaan pe jaa
 janvari ka udhaar chuka
 kah dena, pichle maheene ka, kuch hafton me de denge

 har subah ik nayi muhabbat likhna!!
 yahaan meri jaan nikle jaa rahi hai,
 aur yeh nawaab saab bade aaye, muhabbat likhne wale
 huh!!

 do joote padenge to
 saare daure set ho jaayenge, haan!

229. Guilt

they smile too easily
and smile too much

they mourn too often
and mourn too little


they shuffle their memories
the few that their bulimic minds have not purged yet
before they go to sleep

they shuffle their memories
they scan them
they scrub the details 
to rid themselves of the brown truth



they stumble by their mornings
with closed eyes

they disguise their past
and disown their future
for the fear 
that someone would notice
the purple bruises on their conscience

I guess it is time
somebody told them

one has not lived 
if one has not known guilt at all

but then
one is no longer living
if all one knows now is guilt

228. Raat ke do baje

Zoya

raat ke do baje hain

mujhe pata hai
aaj bhi 
tum bedaar si baithi hogi
apne kooche

tumhare deewaron pe 
shaayad
tumne sureela sa koi nagma
taanga hoga
jise tum apni ungliyon pe lapetkar
gungunaati hogi

yaa phir kisi kitaab ke kaagazon me
betaab se atke lafzon pe
sukoon chidakti hogi
tum apni aankhon se

yaa phir shaayad 
tum apne baraamde me khadi hogi
kohre se muqaabla karti hui
(agar wo dheet hai 
to tum kuch kam ziddi nahin)

tumhaare ird-gird
kuch surkh se khayaal
sulagte honge

thode khayaal 
tum
dhue me udaati hogi
unme jaan phoonk-ke

aur thode khayaal
bujhaati hogi 
apni edhi ke neeche

Zoya
raat ke do baje hain

aur mera kissa kuch alag nahin

mere yahaan 
neend bahut padi rahti hai aaj-kal
jo kharch hoti nahin mujhse

main
besukoon sa
koshish to karta rahta hoon
chutki chutki ise soonghta hoon
par ye nikammi to khatm hi nahin hoti

chalo
aaj kyon na 
ham ek sauda kare

main 
tumhare ghar
neend ki teen-chaar boriyaan
bhijwa deta hoon

aur tum
mujhe
bas apni aankhon me padi
sukoon ki ek-aadh pudiya baandh-kar
bhijwa dena

tum bhi khush
aur main bhi

kya kahti ho -
theek hai na?!

227. Safar

 justajoo me jis sukoon ke
 har pahar main dar-badar gaya
 masroof tha jab talaash me
 paas hoke bas wo guzar gaya

****
 dareeche khule to hain bahut
 darwaaze saare band hain
 kaisa jahaan hai ke har koi
 apne hi aks pe shaq kar gaya


****
 bas pal do pal ki fursaten
 bematlab unki numaaishen
 thodi zindagi ki aarzoo liye
 ek arsa yun hi guzar gaya

****
 sabhi ke pados me dard hai
 dekhta to hai use har koi
 magar nazar to aata nahin  
 tha kaun wo ab jo mar gaya

 charche bahut hain, ummeed bhi
 yun kitne pahar hue shaheed bhi
 din bujha to sab kuch bhool ke
 har koi apne apne ghar gaya 
 
****
 kahin ranjishen kahin raunaken
 har kisika fasaana ek sa
 yun hi dhadkanen tez ho uthi
 phir yun hi dil ye thahar gaya



***
 ae ajanabee se aasamaan
 tera ham-shaql jo tha kal yahaan
 meri muhabbaton ka gawaah tha
 bata zara woh kidhar gaya

----

Coherence is over-rated, like I always maintain.

226. Cocooned in phrases

sometimes I wonder-

does a metaphor know when it comes by,
if I were willing to host it?

or does it meet with others of its ilk
to conspire and invade
my mind,
bumping into me
in condolences and congratulations,
pick-up lines and sticky notes?

I have been accompanied
by innocuous-looking idioms
all my life

they indulgently walk with me
through stories
through dreams
through thoughts

they guide me through unfamiliar mindscapes
restraining me, releasing me
coaxing me, coloring me

they pirouette on tongues of storytellers
they sing out of soiled pages

they carry a dozen emotions in their tow
and drown me in their overwhelming hues

they return to the graves of their origins
origins which had perished unnoticed
to recount their tales
of generosity and valor

sometimes I wonder-

how long does a metaphor live,
before it meets an accident
or an inquisition?
 
sometimes I wonder-

am I, their guardian?
 
or are they, mine -
making sense of reality for me,
where there is none?

225. Ae deewane

 ae deewane,
 aise kyun khoya-khoya rahta hai
 kaisi khwahishein piroya karta hai

 jo tha jahaan, wahaan ab to nahin hai
 wo hai wahaan, jahaan ab tu nahin hai

 to kya hua

 nazaren uthake dekh mujhe
 sar apne aasmaan aaj bhi wahi hai

--

 
 yaadon ke siyaah roohon ka
 shab-o-roz, peecha karta hai kyun
 dareechon pe khade hawaaon se
 aise rang-o-boo poncha karta hai

 ajnabi aainon se apna pata
 apna naam poocha karta hai kyun
 akhbaaron me, tasveeron me
 apna aashiyaan khoja karta hai

 haan, 

 lafz alag hain, lahje alag se
 kaafile badal gaye, mehfilen alag hain
 
 chaah alag hain, chehre alag se
 karwaan badal gaye, manzilen alag hain

 to kya hua

 jo tha jahaan, wahaan ab to nahin hai
 wo hai wahaan, jahaan ab tu nahin hai

 par nazarein uthake dekh mujhe
 sar apne aasmaan aaj bhi wahi hai

224. Air-conditioning

aapne suna hai?!
aaj kal mausam kaafi sakht ho gaye hai

hamne to notice hi nahin kiya
ham itne masroof jo rahte hain, na!
apne sheeshe ki gufaaon me
eent ke bakson me
hawaai jahaazon me

bas kabhi kabaar akhbaar me dikh jaata hai -
garmiyon me temperature paintalees degrees tha,
pathjhad me do degrees.
aur kahin yeh bhi padha tha-
is baar barsaat ke mausam me
kahin par kuch do hazaar ghar bah gaye
tch tch!

hamne to gaur hi nahin kiya

yeh bhi pata nahin chala
ke seene me bhi 
aaj kal mausam kuch sakht ho gaye hain

seene me patjhad sa rahta hai
na jaane kabse

jazbaat jam se gaye hain
khwahishen sikudne lage hain, jhadne lage hain
rishte hai ke rookhe se pade rahte hain
kisiko awaaz kya de?!
kuch shor-o-gul zyaada hai har kahin

haan, suna hai
aaj kal mausam kaafi sakht ho gaye hain

khuda ka shukr hai ke har jagah AC rahti hai
main to apne zindagi ka temperature  
baaiis pe maintain karti hoon
aur aap?!

223. Mapless in my mind

Without you around,
the day feels like a foreign territory

I amble around to find my way
with neither a map nor a destination

Your smile, your scent, your stories
which were like
comforting landmarks
reassuring milestones I looked forward to,
are nowhere to be found

I move around
this strange city of long hours,
trying to douse my conspicuous restlessness
with memories
of your warm breath
of your touch
of your penguin eyes
of your voice

But the memories
just make the journey more arduous
and the faces of these long hours just grow longer
and they gawk at me -
a trespasser
without an entry permit
(no love, no sense of humor)

Come back
before it is too late

Come back
to guide me through my days
before I am lost bhayankarly

Come back
soon
and on the way back
don't forget to get me
some fair-trade chocolate
and some handcuffs!! 

222. Craving the blue moon

Get me my blue moon,
my incorrigible insatiable blue moon.

The one who seldom comes by,
but never leaves when he does.

The one who peddles razor sharp dreams
and sniggers at me when I crave for more.

The one who dons dark unruly sarcasm
to match his untamed curls.

Get me my blue moon,
my irresistible irreverent blue moon.

I want to taste the night in his wake
and turn into ash.

221. The Sky Songstress

It was not until

She came along

that algorithmic silence

was so hummable

She would sit

and tune the skies

while the tone deaf evenings

and pitch dark nights

rumbled on

The skies were Her swan song

The now-intolerably-altered song

still plays to

packed audiences -

the seasons,

the undiscerning yet devoted seasons

the unfashionably fanatical seasons

She fled

when they started re-writing her work

(the people who talk in inspired whispers

of things they knew little about

of things they could do little about

of things they cared little about)

She fled and now

She keeps to herself

while She walks through strange silent towns

to hide from taunts of unfinished songs

The winds,

which hoot and whistle in applause

to the off-key skies,

turn mute when they hear Her hum

and She wonders -

would She have felt less miserable,

if She were a song and not a songstress?

220.

muskaate-hanste the, gurrate-danste hain

saleeqe seekh gaye, zamaane ke, kuch ham bhi

ittefaqn sukoon jo mile, bechaini hoti hai

jo dard se ishq sa ho, sazaa lage marham bhi

guzarte hisaab se hai saare paaband pahar

manaaye do pal ke jashn, bas do pal maatam bhi

tasveeron ke teelen bahut sajaate to hain har jaanib

par bun-ne ko yaaden yahaan, waqt hai kuch kam bhi

rah rah-ke sulagte hain, rah rah-ke baraste hain

haan, apne hi jaat ke hai is shahar ke mausam bhi

------

Ruko. Gaur karo. Dekho -

Mehfil me kya rakha hai!

Lutf uthao to safar ka zara.

Manzil me kya rakha hai?!

219. Identity

 I bring the blinds down
 though the streets outside are deserted and dark
 double-lock the doors
 turn all the lights off
 and return to where he lies

 I sit by him
 and close my eyes tight
 needless as it be

 I run my fingers
 over him
 over
 the ridges
 the contours
 the grooves
 familiar yet cold and hostile

 I want to learn him
 by rote
 because knowing him was owning him

 I was free  till now
 because I belonged

 But
 now?!
 
 Now 
 that he leaves me
 unfettered,
 I sit here
 just a name
 trapped in his history

218. belihaaz shahren

  phoonk-ke bujha chali, abr surkh-o-zard se

  pharsh pe chodke kahkashaan gard ke

  bezubaan raat ye,

  badgumaan raat ye

  jaa rahi hai;

  jaane do!

  ------

  dareechon se jhaankti

  zakhmi khamoshiyaan jaanchti

  har dar se lagaake kaan

  goonjti aahen sunke kaanpti

  aadatn tatol-ke,

  har makaan, raat ye

  jaa rahi hai;

  jaane do!

  -------

  isi shahar me the aashiyaan

  khamosh se, syaah se

  moondi aankhon pe jahaan

  milte the khaabgaah se

  kab se hai talaashti,

  wo aashiyaan, raat ye

  jaa rahi hai;

  jaane do!

  --------

  aahaton me uljhe log, bejaan, sard se

  jeb me liye nishaan gumshuda dard ke 

  ise batao, bas ab yahaan

  sukoon ke mazhaar hai

  rakh-ke girvi neenden apni

  har shaqs bezaar hai

  kya karegi, rahke bhi

  ab yahaan raat ye?!

  jaa rahi hai;

  jaane do!

  ---------

217. Dreams

You come by

every now and then

You don't tell me why

neither do I ask you

I mix us both drinks

the usual,

just a tad stiffer

than the last time

(we need it)

My living room

is where I sell you

reassurance and endurance

You stopped talking

the night I stopped listening;

so now I do most of the talking

They say purple umbrellas are the in-thing, this monsoon

Did you hear of this new salon that has opened up?

Ah, my boyfriend - he is such an adorable sleep-talker

All this while I notice –

the purple bruises on your ankles

the blisters on your hands

your eyes sore with fear

But no, we don't talk about all that;

Why wish away our woes, when we can pretend and make-believe?

What we don't acknowledge, does not exist!

You listen

You get high

You slur

You want to be silent

but your stares are intrusive and questioning

and then I know -

you are ready for the same old lies

And then I lie

about hope

I talk of statistical proof

I talk of super heroes

I talk of human kindness

(and the play I saw last night, that made me choke)

I talk of

how a lion adopted a baby antelope

in Kenya, not too long ago

It is all about faith

It is all about learning to wait

What else do I say

when I know - what you want; and that  you want it bad

when I know - you try; and that you try hard

and I know it is still not possible

So I lie

about hope

Good - you know not

that hope

is just another four lettered profanity

Good  - you know not

that I have buried,

in my backyard,

about two dozen

bruised dreams like yourself

murdered by skepticism

And while you fear that

the end may just be around the corner,

I hope that

the end actually is

216. Indignation

do you know what it means
to be oppressed?
to be labelled?
to be categorized by presumptuous humankind?

do you what it means
to be thought that
what you stand for
what you feel,
what you are,
does not warrant
respect
consideration
understanding
or
at the very least, an attempt at any of these?

do you know what it means
to be thought of
as irrelevant...
and worse still,
inconsequential & disposable?

do you know what it means
when it's a foregone conclusion
that you are not as human as the rest of them?

I know.
I noticed what it means.
I thought I was free.
Yet, I chose to walk out last night
foregoing the right
to hold the hand of the person I love most,
my boyfriend.

For the fear
of being arrested or worse,
I walked out
foregoing the right
to hold his hand.

For I am gay.

& there was a mob of moral police
waiting to make the world a better place.

a better place?!

215. choohon ki daud (rat race)

 samjhaana bujhaana to hai shauq sabka ich
 kuch bhi jaane na jaane samjhaane me kya hai?

 aise ich har din hamshaql subahein mile aur
 pooche - "be-shaql shab me gum jaane me kya hai?

 saare manzil ye gar ret ke hain mahal to
 yun hi gumnaam se tham jaane me kya hai?"

 main bola - "miyaan, aise load le re tum kaiku
 daftar, manaane ko maatam, jaane me kya hai?"

---------------

logaan nahin, aise ich baataan karte jaa re, karte jaa re!!!

kya soch le re ki kya ki, maaloom ich nahin!!!!

kuch apni bhi aql thikaane shaayad nahin hai, sadiq
ke har subah yun be-aqlon ki mehfil me chale aate hain

213. Midnight Confessions

Tonight

the room smells of silence

and so I hum to myself

But it doesn't suffice

I need you around to

make this flawed reality

a little more tolerable

I want you to hunt it down 

with your electric racquet

and tie it up 

in a barbwire of conversation

(we are way too sweet with each other

usually)

We could talk of

this

that

and the other

Oh, you love to travel!

I love it too...

I particularly love

this one trek

from behind your pierced ears

to your stubbled chin,

and further!

Ah, what a view?!

(yeah, It's like my private resort

and I intend to keep it that way)

We could mumble midnight confessions

and fumble in the dark

and stumble upon unspoken places

and crumble to nothingness 

We could;

could we not?!

Well,

tonight

our room smells of silence

and I hum to myself

But it doesn't suffice

I need you around

I could say that

I need you to mint memories

but they are too potent

and pointless

I could say that

I need you for eternity

but that is too trite

and trivial

I will just say that

I want you now

now

however long that be

So 

come

defuse this night,

for loneliness is intolerably symmetrical

So

come

let's go on a midnight trek again,

and stumble upon another unspoken place

----------------

Some penguins do fly!! :)

212. Journeys

1.
1.
2.
2.
3.
3. ?!
3. !
3.!!
4. !
4. !!
5. !
5.!!
6.!
6.?

7.!
7.!!

8.
8...
8..?
8.!?

9.?
9.!

10.!

11.!

12.

13

14

15

16


-------------------------


Love knows no grammar or arithmetic!!
Stay put and love will find its way... it has always!!

Untold Stories

When the evening starts breathing heavily
twilight
silently slips away
a shade of red, however, still stains the sky

As the evening steps off the sky
a crowd of shadows settle in my courtyard
to gossip
about the things that happened through the day
about this, that and the other

how the maps have started to change faces
how the days have started to melt away
who was trying to fill moments in empty chasms
whose love is shifting loyalties
where are colors out on strike,
and why in heaven are they so?

some complaints
some judgements
some questions
some advice

I turn witness to these conversations
each night

If there be a hint of your name
I sit by and listen to stories all night long
in desire of a few consonants
in this crowd of shadows

There are many stories
lying
restless and impatient
somewhere inside me too
waiting to be told
Come by sometime to chat me up
won't you please?!


------------------------------------------------------
An old Hindi poem re-written in English for certain audience!!

210. Free

what makes you think
i want to be free?

what makes you feel
you ought to come to my aid
and liberate me?

how do you know
that i have not quit flying
at will?

why do you think
just because the sky is wild
i need to follow suit?

why do you think
i will find freedom
'invigorating'
'intoxicating'
or all those fancy adjectives
you picked up in books?
(Did you hear of 'nauseating'?)

so much for your claims of empathy
you refuse to see
i love my cuffs

so much for your campaigns for my liberation
you choose to do my thinking
for me

oh yes,
you want my future
captive to your vision
of how I ought to live tomorrow -

free

209. The Biographer

He did not bother me much then

He just wanted me
to rearrange his past.

You know,
how memoirs ever so often
need a facelift

He showed me
his years with creases of crudity
which he wanted me to paint over
with ink

He led me down dark alleys
to his ugly stone secrets
which he wanted to do away with

You see,
I did not have much experience writing fiction
But I had significant experience
in starvation
which I did not need more of
So there,
I agreed

I never wanted to make history
I preferred writing history
for well, what is history
but the choice of the scribes
who anoint heroes to hide their flaws
and label villains to hand them claws?

So there I was,
publishing his black & white portrait
concealing more more than revealing

Writing the history
of my choice
to his liking

And he died a happy hero

Some read it
and rewarded me with sighs
of boredom and disbelief

…

Then I realised
there must be a reason why
good news and case studies
only find a weekly column
in most dailies

Then I also realised
there must be a reason why
gossip
fills scores of pages
in most dailies

…

And then
I rewrote history
a scandalous one

Whoever said
“do not pan the dead;
the dead are always virtuous”
(but of course,
one needs to be alive
to cultivate vices)

I brought out his ugly stone secrets
ah, what a museum?!

They do not talk ill of the dead
in public
but then,
they take more delight
in seeing heroes fall
than in seeing them anointed

And you see,
I did not have much experience writing trash
but I had significant experience
in starvation
which I did not need more of

So there I was,
publishing his portrait
in color this time
exposing the sinner
who left, unpunished

I went easy
on the blue;
(red is in vogue
every other season
& definitely more scandalous)

Many read it
and rewarded me with whispers
of interest and disapproval
& then many more read it

He does not bother me much now
particularly since the time he died

He was a good man, I guess!

---------------------------------------------

"I wonder how different would our lives be if we were to find out that our history is half farce & our heroes much more so." - The shelves

208. Aa gaya

dil mera nayi tajveez koi aazamaane aa gaya

kooche me mere phir koi sukoon ganwaane aa gaya

dekhne mujhko deewana, aata hai dar pe har pahar

mahak utha mehfil hai - dekho, phir muskuraane aa gaya?

maasoom in dilchaspiyon ka bas main nahin kaayal yahaan

main kam-z-kam dhoondhoon sabab, wo bin bahaane aa gaya

ham-nasl nahin wo, lafz-o-lahje uske kuch judaa se hai

phir mujhe mehfil me apni zubaan banaane aa gaya

khwahishon ke kaafile khatm ho bhi to kaise, bata

ek armaan bujha nahin aur ek lubhaane aa gaya

wo gaya tha dareecho pe pehnaake peela aasmaan

din dhala to mujhme phir thodi shab bitaane aa gaya

khwaabeeda lamhon me guftagu ka lagta hai shaukeen bada

rah rahke neendon me naye naqshe bichaane aa gaya

kaash waaqif hota aashiq, muhabbat waqfe leti nahin

daayron me yaaden bhar bharke faasle bujhaane aa gaya

jab dekhta hai woh mujhe, uth-ta hai khaabon sa dhuaan

phoonk phoonk-ke wo apne naqsh-e-nigaah mitaane aa gaya

pyaas pala hoga bahut paimaanon ki talaash me

mere labon par, dilbar, apna munh jalaane aa gaya

--------------------------------------------------------------------

guzarte mausam ko karna nahin tha aahon me gumraah yun

apne mausam ke bichde hisse, aasmaan uthaane aa gaya

207. Monotony

let me out
let me out
I have been this restless
for quite a while

let me shout
let me shout
from my steel fortress
of a fake smile

I see no
hope
nor consequence

I seek no
shape
and no substance

my fortress -
it dodges accidents
which I seek around corners

but I want one (so bad)
I want a navy blue
denim clad accident
to break open
the padlock
to get over
this bad shock

I want to sleep
and sob
and stretch
and swear
Oh!
I want an accident so bad

and I am not alone...
they are so many around
in this crowded city of electronic sounds

but there are more rules than tools
and there just aren't enough fools

how will I ever find an accident
stuck in this city of
airconditioning and airsickness
traffic signals and tragic chivalry
?

let me shout
let me shout
from my steel fortress
of a fake smile

let me out
let me out
I have been this restless
for quite a while

206. Dodging Alliterative Exclamations

I am aware
I am awake

But let me ignore
the knocks on the old oak door

Let me ponder instead
about
the convenience of prejudice
the uncertainty of emotion
the sanctity of stupidity
the reliability of dreams & dead-ends
the ambiguity of dynamics
(and the dynamics of ambiguity,
if I may)

Let me pretend there is more
to this evening than mere sighing bliss
Let me paint a little pain
Let me amuse myself
Let me marvel

What lies beyond that oak door
but happiness?!
Well, they say
I am already as happy as they come

So let me ignore the knocks for a change

Let them wait -
the thoughts of
porn and projectiles
paandus and piñacoladas

Let them wait-
the alliterative afternoons
with nondescript happy endings
(& snappy 'bending's)

Let them wait
It's been a while
since I traded words for gasps

You still ask me why?
Did you not notice that
for many a month now
happiness has been the pain in the ass?!

You know what I mean!

-------------------------------------
-------------------------------------
While we are on alliteration,
Voluptuously virile V**** valiantly verbalized various vagaries vindictively!
Sexy sweetie S********* somnambulantly saunters streetwise singing slokas somberly!!

:D :D :D :D

But of course I did not come up with them.
I do not possess such talent, do I? They just inspired me to explore alliterative alternatives! :P

205. Security Check

No,
I should not have packed them;
and now the guards
are going through
my luggage-
scanning through all
the unfinished conversations
I stuffed in my suitcase

I can sense their smirks
behind their straight faces

I should not have packed them-
all those embarrassing conversations
But I did!

I was in a hurry!!

-----------------------------
Until a while ago
my city of yesterdays
was sequestered

the city
where
I stood by the tracks
and waved at trains passing by -
trains of thought
full of stories
with blurred faces

the city
where
the sky was wide
and wept too much;
and words flew down
to dance on my terrace

the city
where
I sowed smiles
by the side of blue evenings
and by dawn,
the streets would be abuzz
with laughter

the city
that knew
no ketchup
or aerated drinks
or accidents
or running water

yes,
the city was sequestered;
but now
it is open for me to return.
---------------------------------------------

I had to hurry
in my bathroom slippers
and an unpressed shirt;
but in my city,
they never notice these things!

So I hurried,
only to find all the tickets
to yesterday are booked
All the roads are jammed
All the flights are full

So yet again,
I booked
a round trip to noise

I will drown in the din again
and maybe this time,
discover my pseudonym

If only they let me go

A few sighs more
and the flight will take off-
but they are still scanning
through my unfinished conversations

-------------------------------------
Culture Shock - the much needed vacation!

204. All in the name of...

I think I will charm
the maverick moon –
the one that hangs high
when he is in the mood

I will roll him a joint
and sit with him on a branch;
I will wait for him to pass out,
but then you know why?!

I am in love with a werewolf
& so I have not a choice,
but to pin up the moon
on my bedroom window sill.

So I think I will charm
the maverick moon -
the one that hangs high
when he is in the mood
--------------------------
:) :) :) :) :)
Are dinosaurs extinct?
Are werewolves mythical??!
:) :P :D

203. Khat

sochta hoon
khat me ik nazm likhke
tumhe mere khayaal
tohfe me bhej doon

likh doon

kaise
har subah
main tumhare sapne sambhaalke,
utaarta hoon aankhon se
aur takiye ke neeche
chhipa deta hoon
(haan,
wahi khaab,
jo betaab se kaanpte rahte hain
aankhon me raat bhar
aur kabhi kabhi
din ke beech-o-beech)

kaise
intezaar me
lamhon ka hisaab lagaata hoon
to pahron pe shikan se ban jaate hain

kaise
main ajnabi lafzon se
rishte jodta rahta hoon
judaa se lahje pahanke
nikalta hoon
aaj kal har kahin

kaise
khwahishon ke kaafile
ummeed liye mere dar khade rahte hai
jab din ke paar utarta hoon
to us paar bhi mil jaate hai

kaise
hawaayen saazish kar jaate hain
aur jab main bekhud sa baitha rahta hoon
baraamde me
to tumhari mahak sa bikher dete hain

kaise
muhabbat se fursat nahin milti

kaise
rooth-ne ko jee karta hai
ke tumhare khayaal
ik chote waqfe ko bhi
tanha nahin chodte mujhe

sochta hoon
mere haal-o-harkat
alfaazon me baandhke
bhej doon tumhe ik khat me

mujhe pata hai
tum mujhse bandhi
lafzon ke gaant
khol nahin paaoge

mujhe pata hai...
tum bas mujhe phone karoge
aur udaas sa chehra banate hue kahoge
"Sweetie, you know I can't read Hindi"

par mujhe ye bhi pata hai,
ke tum apne fridge pe lagaake
yaa apne jeb me rakh-ke
is khat ko dekhoge
baar baar shab-o-roz;
aur chuu-chuu ke
is peeli si kaagaz ko
mera naam loge
aur muskuraaoge...

bas isi liye sahi,
sochta hoon
aaj tumhe ik khat likh doon
-----------------------------------
Like I said earlier,
Bezubaan bhi nahin, hamzubaan bhi nahin
guftagu kya kare tu yahaan bhi nahin!!

202. Padosi

phir se darwaaze band kar jaaye koi
band kamre me kahaaniyaan
bikhri rahen

ranjishein parose ek mausam
aur guftagu ke chand cheente
chidak jaaye khaamosh deewaron pe

sulagte se
do kadam faaslon me
ek jazbaat chadhata tha
dheemi si aanch pe

woh rasm ik rishta tha
jiska naam kabhi mila hi nahin

sulagte se
do kadam faaslon me
jo baat thi
meelon ki dooriyon
me wo baat kahaan?

phir se chulhe pe
ubalne ko
pahren chadha de koi

ghar pe taale lagaake
nikalta hoon har savere
phir har subah
kuch taraana gungunaake
tasavvur pe chod jaaye koi

mujhe phir se jhagadna hai
phir se dekhne hai daraawne tasveeren
aur bedaar baithna hai raaton me
phir se besabab gappe ladaane hain
phir se taane maarne hai
kisi na kisi ko
har shaam

thodi si peeli roshni ke parde
pahnaa jaaye
aur eent ke is bakse ko
phir ghar banaa jaaye koi

mujhe khule darwaazon
ki aadat nahin rahi
phir se bagal wale kamre ka darwaaza
band kar jaaye koi

---------------------------------
well, yes - miss is happening!!

201. Frayed Thoughts

Sometimes things change! taking off from Cotton Thoughts !!!

-----------------------------
The seamstresses scout for the satin smile
while thoughts fray
& the last few grains of sand in the hourglass
remain slaves to arithmetic

I look out of my window
You look at your sky
We patch it up
with blue
pieces of conversation
the blue in my heart
the blue in your eyes
the blue of the sky...

When I refuse to move,
I smell of you.
I was still when I began.
I am,
still.

Art is still my chosen pastime

None else would
weigh this silence
weigh the sky
weigh your sight
weigh my smile;
aren't they all nothing?

Art is the pastime of a desperate heart

& to kill hours in desperation
while I sit still,
I
don stone deaf metaphors
so you can catch me unaware
& unwrap words
to find tremulous blanks underneath
for you to fill with love bites!
---------------------------------------

Yes, intolerable miss is happening off!!!

200. Unusual Winter

You have left
a winter
on my trail
unlike any I have seen before!

each night
while the trees dance
in the cool silvery breeze
and shed
their crisp yellow leaves
you visit me

I shed
two strands of dreams
on your pillow
and a dozen inhibitions
in your bed

and at dawn
I find
a heap of star dust
in my backyard

while you toss
restlessly
in your sleep
each night
does your sky
shed
stars too?!

Is your winter
as unusual as mine?!