229. Guilt

they smile too easily
and smile too much

they mourn too often
and mourn too little


they shuffle their memories
the few that their bulimic minds have not purged yet
before they go to sleep

they shuffle their memories
they scan them
they scrub the details 
to rid themselves of the brown truth



they stumble by their mornings
with closed eyes

they disguise their past
and disown their future
for the fear 
that someone would notice
the purple bruises on their conscience

I guess it is time
somebody told them

one has not lived 
if one has not known guilt at all

but then
one is no longer living
if all one knows now is guilt

228. Raat ke do baje

Zoya

raat ke do baje hain

mujhe pata hai
aaj bhi 
tum bedaar si baithi hogi
apne kooche

tumhare deewaron pe 
shaayad
tumne sureela sa koi nagma
taanga hoga
jise tum apni ungliyon pe lapetkar
gungunaati hogi

yaa phir kisi kitaab ke kaagazon me
betaab se atke lafzon pe
sukoon chidakti hogi
tum apni aankhon se

yaa phir shaayad 
tum apne baraamde me khadi hogi
kohre se muqaabla karti hui
(agar wo dheet hai 
to tum kuch kam ziddi nahin)

tumhaare ird-gird
kuch surkh se khayaal
sulagte honge

thode khayaal 
tum
dhue me udaati hogi
unme jaan phoonk-ke

aur thode khayaal
bujhaati hogi 
apni edhi ke neeche

Zoya
raat ke do baje hain

aur mera kissa kuch alag nahin

mere yahaan 
neend bahut padi rahti hai aaj-kal
jo kharch hoti nahin mujhse

main
besukoon sa
koshish to karta rahta hoon
chutki chutki ise soonghta hoon
par ye nikammi to khatm hi nahin hoti

chalo
aaj kyon na 
ham ek sauda kare

main 
tumhare ghar
neend ki teen-chaar boriyaan
bhijwa deta hoon

aur tum
mujhe
bas apni aankhon me padi
sukoon ki ek-aadh pudiya baandh-kar
bhijwa dena

tum bhi khush
aur main bhi

kya kahti ho -
theek hai na?!

227. Safar

 justajoo me jis sukoon ke
 har pahar main dar-badar gaya
 masroof tha jab talaash me
 paas hoke bas wo guzar gaya

****
 dareeche khule to hain bahut
 darwaaze saare band hain
 kaisa jahaan hai ke har koi
 apne hi aks pe shaq kar gaya


****
 bas pal do pal ki fursaten
 bematlab unki numaaishen
 thodi zindagi ki aarzoo liye
 ek arsa yun hi guzar gaya

****
 sabhi ke pados me dard hai
 dekhta to hai use har koi
 magar nazar to aata nahin  
 tha kaun wo ab jo mar gaya

 charche bahut hain, ummeed bhi
 yun kitne pahar hue shaheed bhi
 din bujha to sab kuch bhool ke
 har koi apne apne ghar gaya 
 
****
 kahin ranjishen kahin raunaken
 har kisika fasaana ek sa
 yun hi dhadkanen tez ho uthi
 phir yun hi dil ye thahar gaya



***
 ae ajanabee se aasamaan
 tera ham-shaql jo tha kal yahaan
 meri muhabbaton ka gawaah tha
 bata zara woh kidhar gaya

----

Coherence is over-rated, like I always maintain.

226. Cocooned in phrases

sometimes I wonder-

does a metaphor know when it comes by,
if I were willing to host it?

or does it meet with others of its ilk
to conspire and invade
my mind,
bumping into me
in condolences and congratulations,
pick-up lines and sticky notes?

I have been accompanied
by innocuous-looking idioms
all my life

they indulgently walk with me
through stories
through dreams
through thoughts

they guide me through unfamiliar mindscapes
restraining me, releasing me
coaxing me, coloring me

they pirouette on tongues of storytellers
they sing out of soiled pages

they carry a dozen emotions in their tow
and drown me in their overwhelming hues

they return to the graves of their origins
origins which had perished unnoticed
to recount their tales
of generosity and valor

sometimes I wonder-

how long does a metaphor live,
before it meets an accident
or an inquisition?
 
sometimes I wonder-

am I, their guardian?
 
or are they, mine -
making sense of reality for me,
where there is none?

225. Ae deewane

 ae deewane,
 aise kyun khoya-khoya rahta hai
 kaisi khwahishein piroya karta hai

 jo tha jahaan, wahaan ab to nahin hai
 wo hai wahaan, jahaan ab tu nahin hai

 to kya hua

 nazaren uthake dekh mujhe
 sar apne aasmaan aaj bhi wahi hai

--

 
 yaadon ke siyaah roohon ka
 shab-o-roz, peecha karta hai kyun
 dareechon pe khade hawaaon se
 aise rang-o-boo poncha karta hai

 ajnabi aainon se apna pata
 apna naam poocha karta hai kyun
 akhbaaron me, tasveeron me
 apna aashiyaan khoja karta hai

 haan, 

 lafz alag hain, lahje alag se
 kaafile badal gaye, mehfilen alag hain
 
 chaah alag hain, chehre alag se
 karwaan badal gaye, manzilen alag hain

 to kya hua

 jo tha jahaan, wahaan ab to nahin hai
 wo hai wahaan, jahaan ab tu nahin hai

 par nazarein uthake dekh mujhe
 sar apne aasmaan aaj bhi wahi hai

224. Air-conditioning

aapne suna hai?!
aaj kal mausam kaafi sakht ho gaye hai

hamne to notice hi nahin kiya
ham itne masroof jo rahte hain, na!
apne sheeshe ki gufaaon me
eent ke bakson me
hawaai jahaazon me

bas kabhi kabaar akhbaar me dikh jaata hai -
garmiyon me temperature paintalees degrees tha,
pathjhad me do degrees.
aur kahin yeh bhi padha tha-
is baar barsaat ke mausam me
kahin par kuch do hazaar ghar bah gaye
tch tch!

hamne to gaur hi nahin kiya

yeh bhi pata nahin chala
ke seene me bhi 
aaj kal mausam kuch sakht ho gaye hain

seene me patjhad sa rahta hai
na jaane kabse

jazbaat jam se gaye hain
khwahishen sikudne lage hain, jhadne lage hain
rishte hai ke rookhe se pade rahte hain
kisiko awaaz kya de?!
kuch shor-o-gul zyaada hai har kahin

haan, suna hai
aaj kal mausam kaafi sakht ho gaye hain

khuda ka shukr hai ke har jagah AC rahti hai
main to apne zindagi ka temperature  
baaiis pe maintain karti hoon
aur aap?!

223. Mapless in my mind

Without you around,
the day feels like a foreign territory

I amble around to find my way
with neither a map nor a destination

Your smile, your scent, your stories
which were like
comforting landmarks
reassuring milestones I looked forward to,
are nowhere to be found

I move around
this strange city of long hours,
trying to douse my conspicuous restlessness
with memories
of your warm breath
of your touch
of your penguin eyes
of your voice

But the memories
just make the journey more arduous
and the faces of these long hours just grow longer
and they gawk at me -
a trespasser
without an entry permit
(no love, no sense of humor)

Come back
before it is too late

Come back
to guide me through my days
before I am lost bhayankarly

Come back
soon
and on the way back
don't forget to get me
some fair-trade chocolate
and some handcuffs!! 

222. Craving the blue moon

Get me my blue moon,
my incorrigible insatiable blue moon.

The one who seldom comes by,
but never leaves when he does.

The one who peddles razor sharp dreams
and sniggers at me when I crave for more.

The one who dons dark unruly sarcasm
to match his untamed curls.

Get me my blue moon,
my irresistible irreverent blue moon.

I want to taste the night in his wake
and turn into ash.