210. Free

what makes you think
i want to be free?

what makes you feel
you ought to come to my aid
and liberate me?

how do you know
that i have not quit flying
at will?

why do you think
just because the sky is wild
i need to follow suit?

why do you think
i will find freedom
'invigorating'
'intoxicating'
or all those fancy adjectives
you picked up in books?
(Did you hear of 'nauseating'?)

so much for your claims of empathy
you refuse to see
i love my cuffs

so much for your campaigns for my liberation
you choose to do my thinking
for me

oh yes,
you want my future
captive to your vision
of how I ought to live tomorrow -

free

209. The Biographer

He did not bother me much then

He just wanted me
to rearrange his past.

You know,
how memoirs ever so often
need a facelift

He showed me
his years with creases of crudity
which he wanted me to paint over
with ink

He led me down dark alleys
to his ugly stone secrets
which he wanted to do away with

You see,
I did not have much experience writing fiction
But I had significant experience
in starvation
which I did not need more of
So there,
I agreed

I never wanted to make history
I preferred writing history
for well, what is history
but the choice of the scribes
who anoint heroes to hide their flaws
and label villains to hand them claws?

So there I was,
publishing his black & white portrait
concealing more more than revealing

Writing the history
of my choice
to his liking

And he died a happy hero

Some read it
and rewarded me with sighs
of boredom and disbelief

…

Then I realised
there must be a reason why
good news and case studies
only find a weekly column
in most dailies

Then I also realised
there must be a reason why
gossip
fills scores of pages
in most dailies

…

And then
I rewrote history
a scandalous one

Whoever said
“do not pan the dead;
the dead are always virtuous”
(but of course,
one needs to be alive
to cultivate vices)

I brought out his ugly stone secrets
ah, what a museum?!

They do not talk ill of the dead
in public
but then,
they take more delight
in seeing heroes fall
than in seeing them anointed

And you see,
I did not have much experience writing trash
but I had significant experience
in starvation
which I did not need more of

So there I was,
publishing his portrait
in color this time
exposing the sinner
who left, unpunished

I went easy
on the blue;
(red is in vogue
every other season
& definitely more scandalous)

Many read it
and rewarded me with whispers
of interest and disapproval
& then many more read it

He does not bother me much now
particularly since the time he died

He was a good man, I guess!

---------------------------------------------

"I wonder how different would our lives be if we were to find out that our history is half farce & our heroes much more so." - The shelves

208. Aa gaya

dil mera nayi tajveez koi aazamaane aa gaya

kooche me mere phir koi sukoon ganwaane aa gaya

dekhne mujhko deewana, aata hai dar pe har pahar

mahak utha mehfil hai - dekho, phir muskuraane aa gaya?

maasoom in dilchaspiyon ka bas main nahin kaayal yahaan

main kam-z-kam dhoondhoon sabab, wo bin bahaane aa gaya

ham-nasl nahin wo, lafz-o-lahje uske kuch judaa se hai

phir mujhe mehfil me apni zubaan banaane aa gaya

khwahishon ke kaafile khatm ho bhi to kaise, bata

ek armaan bujha nahin aur ek lubhaane aa gaya

wo gaya tha dareecho pe pehnaake peela aasmaan

din dhala to mujhme phir thodi shab bitaane aa gaya

khwaabeeda lamhon me guftagu ka lagta hai shaukeen bada

rah rahke neendon me naye naqshe bichaane aa gaya

kaash waaqif hota aashiq, muhabbat waqfe leti nahin

daayron me yaaden bhar bharke faasle bujhaane aa gaya

jab dekhta hai woh mujhe, uth-ta hai khaabon sa dhuaan

phoonk phoonk-ke wo apne naqsh-e-nigaah mitaane aa gaya

pyaas pala hoga bahut paimaanon ki talaash me

mere labon par, dilbar, apna munh jalaane aa gaya

--------------------------------------------------------------------

guzarte mausam ko karna nahin tha aahon me gumraah yun

apne mausam ke bichde hisse, aasmaan uthaane aa gaya

207. Monotony

let me out
let me out
I have been this restless
for quite a while

let me shout
let me shout
from my steel fortress
of a fake smile

I see no
hope
nor consequence

I seek no
shape
and no substance

my fortress -
it dodges accidents
which I seek around corners

but I want one (so bad)
I want a navy blue
denim clad accident
to break open
the padlock
to get over
this bad shock

I want to sleep
and sob
and stretch
and swear
Oh!
I want an accident so bad

and I am not alone...
they are so many around
in this crowded city of electronic sounds

but there are more rules than tools
and there just aren't enough fools

how will I ever find an accident
stuck in this city of
airconditioning and airsickness
traffic signals and tragic chivalry
?

let me shout
let me shout
from my steel fortress
of a fake smile

let me out
let me out
I have been this restless
for quite a while

206. Dodging Alliterative Exclamations

I am aware
I am awake

But let me ignore
the knocks on the old oak door

Let me ponder instead
about
the convenience of prejudice
the uncertainty of emotion
the sanctity of stupidity
the reliability of dreams & dead-ends
the ambiguity of dynamics
(and the dynamics of ambiguity,
if I may)

Let me pretend there is more
to this evening than mere sighing bliss
Let me paint a little pain
Let me amuse myself
Let me marvel

What lies beyond that oak door
but happiness?!
Well, they say
I am already as happy as they come

So let me ignore the knocks for a change

Let them wait -
the thoughts of
porn and projectiles
paandus and piñacoladas

Let them wait-
the alliterative afternoons
with nondescript happy endings
(& snappy 'bending's)

Let them wait
It's been a while
since I traded words for gasps

You still ask me why?
Did you not notice that
for many a month now
happiness has been the pain in the ass?!

You know what I mean!

-------------------------------------
-------------------------------------
While we are on alliteration,
Voluptuously virile V**** valiantly verbalized various vagaries vindictively!
Sexy sweetie S********* somnambulantly saunters streetwise singing slokas somberly!!

:D :D :D :D

But of course I did not come up with them.
I do not possess such talent, do I? They just inspired me to explore alliterative alternatives! :P

205. Security Check

No,
I should not have packed them;
and now the guards
are going through
my luggage-
scanning through all
the unfinished conversations
I stuffed in my suitcase

I can sense their smirks
behind their straight faces

I should not have packed them-
all those embarrassing conversations
But I did!

I was in a hurry!!

-----------------------------
Until a while ago
my city of yesterdays
was sequestered

the city
where
I stood by the tracks
and waved at trains passing by -
trains of thought
full of stories
with blurred faces

the city
where
the sky was wide
and wept too much;
and words flew down
to dance on my terrace

the city
where
I sowed smiles
by the side of blue evenings
and by dawn,
the streets would be abuzz
with laughter

the city
that knew
no ketchup
or aerated drinks
or accidents
or running water

yes,
the city was sequestered;
but now
it is open for me to return.
---------------------------------------------

I had to hurry
in my bathroom slippers
and an unpressed shirt;
but in my city,
they never notice these things!

So I hurried,
only to find all the tickets
to yesterday are booked
All the roads are jammed
All the flights are full

So yet again,
I booked
a round trip to noise

I will drown in the din again
and maybe this time,
discover my pseudonym

If only they let me go

A few sighs more
and the flight will take off-
but they are still scanning
through my unfinished conversations

-------------------------------------
Culture Shock - the much needed vacation!

204. All in the name of...

I think I will charm
the maverick moon –
the one that hangs high
when he is in the mood

I will roll him a joint
and sit with him on a branch;
I will wait for him to pass out,
but then you know why?!

I am in love with a werewolf
& so I have not a choice,
but to pin up the moon
on my bedroom window sill.

So I think I will charm
the maverick moon -
the one that hangs high
when he is in the mood
--------------------------
:) :) :) :) :)
Are dinosaurs extinct?
Are werewolves mythical??!
:) :P :D

203. Khat

sochta hoon
khat me ik nazm likhke
tumhe mere khayaal
tohfe me bhej doon

likh doon

kaise
har subah
main tumhare sapne sambhaalke,
utaarta hoon aankhon se
aur takiye ke neeche
chhipa deta hoon
(haan,
wahi khaab,
jo betaab se kaanpte rahte hain
aankhon me raat bhar
aur kabhi kabhi
din ke beech-o-beech)

kaise
intezaar me
lamhon ka hisaab lagaata hoon
to pahron pe shikan se ban jaate hain

kaise
main ajnabi lafzon se
rishte jodta rahta hoon
judaa se lahje pahanke
nikalta hoon
aaj kal har kahin

kaise
khwahishon ke kaafile
ummeed liye mere dar khade rahte hai
jab din ke paar utarta hoon
to us paar bhi mil jaate hai

kaise
hawaayen saazish kar jaate hain
aur jab main bekhud sa baitha rahta hoon
baraamde me
to tumhari mahak sa bikher dete hain

kaise
muhabbat se fursat nahin milti

kaise
rooth-ne ko jee karta hai
ke tumhare khayaal
ik chote waqfe ko bhi
tanha nahin chodte mujhe

sochta hoon
mere haal-o-harkat
alfaazon me baandhke
bhej doon tumhe ik khat me

mujhe pata hai
tum mujhse bandhi
lafzon ke gaant
khol nahin paaoge

mujhe pata hai...
tum bas mujhe phone karoge
aur udaas sa chehra banate hue kahoge
"Sweetie, you know I can't read Hindi"

par mujhe ye bhi pata hai,
ke tum apne fridge pe lagaake
yaa apne jeb me rakh-ke
is khat ko dekhoge
baar baar shab-o-roz;
aur chuu-chuu ke
is peeli si kaagaz ko
mera naam loge
aur muskuraaoge...

bas isi liye sahi,
sochta hoon
aaj tumhe ik khat likh doon
-----------------------------------
Like I said earlier,
Bezubaan bhi nahin, hamzubaan bhi nahin
guftagu kya kare tu yahaan bhi nahin!!

202. Padosi

phir se darwaaze band kar jaaye koi
band kamre me kahaaniyaan
bikhri rahen

ranjishein parose ek mausam
aur guftagu ke chand cheente
chidak jaaye khaamosh deewaron pe

sulagte se
do kadam faaslon me
ek jazbaat chadhata tha
dheemi si aanch pe

woh rasm ik rishta tha
jiska naam kabhi mila hi nahin

sulagte se
do kadam faaslon me
jo baat thi
meelon ki dooriyon
me wo baat kahaan?

phir se chulhe pe
ubalne ko
pahren chadha de koi

ghar pe taale lagaake
nikalta hoon har savere
phir har subah
kuch taraana gungunaake
tasavvur pe chod jaaye koi

mujhe phir se jhagadna hai
phir se dekhne hai daraawne tasveeren
aur bedaar baithna hai raaton me
phir se besabab gappe ladaane hain
phir se taane maarne hai
kisi na kisi ko
har shaam

thodi si peeli roshni ke parde
pahnaa jaaye
aur eent ke is bakse ko
phir ghar banaa jaaye koi

mujhe khule darwaazon
ki aadat nahin rahi
phir se bagal wale kamre ka darwaaza
band kar jaaye koi

---------------------------------
well, yes - miss is happening!!

201. Frayed Thoughts

Sometimes things change! taking off from Cotton Thoughts !!!

-----------------------------
The seamstresses scout for the satin smile
while thoughts fray
& the last few grains of sand in the hourglass
remain slaves to arithmetic

I look out of my window
You look at your sky
We patch it up
with blue
pieces of conversation
the blue in my heart
the blue in your eyes
the blue of the sky...

When I refuse to move,
I smell of you.
I was still when I began.
I am,
still.

Art is still my chosen pastime

None else would
weigh this silence
weigh the sky
weigh your sight
weigh my smile;
aren't they all nothing?

Art is the pastime of a desperate heart

& to kill hours in desperation
while I sit still,
I
don stone deaf metaphors
so you can catch me unaware
& unwrap words
to find tremulous blanks underneath
for you to fill with love bites!
---------------------------------------

Yes, intolerable miss is happening off!!!

200. Unusual Winter

You have left
a winter
on my trail
unlike any I have seen before!

each night
while the trees dance
in the cool silvery breeze
and shed
their crisp yellow leaves
you visit me

I shed
two strands of dreams
on your pillow
and a dozen inhibitions
in your bed

and at dawn
I find
a heap of star dust
in my backyard

while you toss
restlessly
in your sleep
each night
does your sky
shed
stars too?!

Is your winter
as unusual as mine?!