231. She wanted to be...

she wanted to be
a love story

no - not an unbelievably touching tale!

she wanted to be
revoltingly credible

and so she screamed and howled,
hoping the world would conjure up
the love story
she wanted to be

and she waited
for him to slap her
for bombs to explode in the background
for loud percussion to accompany their each thrust
for aliens to abduct her

but nothing ever happened

all she ever wanted was to be
a love story

no - not one that is timeless!

she wanted to be
a contemporary love story
a raucous pungent ugly violent disturbing one!!

if only she knew
that he loved her too much for that

and unfortunately for her
she will be remembered
as a sensuous love poem
for centuries to come

poor thing!

---
Dedicated to love-hunters in the jungle
and a birthday boy.

230. Bablu ke shauk

 hatheliyon me apni kismat padhna
 paheliyon me apni hasrat likhna

 nazmon me deewano sa ibaadat karna
 boson me dil ki inaayat likhna

 har shab kuch puraane khat padhna
 har subah ik nayi muhabbat likhna


--

 aye haye haye haye... mu-ha-bbat!!
 bevkoof!
 tu aise chakkar me mat padiyo, bablu
 kahe deti hoon, haan!
 ye pyaar-vyaar badi mahangi lat hai

 random nazron me green signal mat padhna
 dil aa jaaye kahin to love letter mat likhna

 aise dangerous shauk paalte hain jo
 woh aur honge fursat-waale.
 hamare paas in sab ke liye
 na time hai
 na paise

 ye le paise, sethji ke dukaan pe jaa
 janvari ka udhaar chuka
 kah dena, pichle maheene ka, kuch hafton me de denge

 har subah ik nayi muhabbat likhna!!
 yahaan meri jaan nikle jaa rahi hai,
 aur yeh nawaab saab bade aaye, muhabbat likhne wale
 huh!!

 do joote padenge to
 saare daure set ho jaayenge, haan!

229. Guilt

they smile too easily
and smile too much

they mourn too often
and mourn too little


they shuffle their memories
the few that their bulimic minds have not purged yet
before they go to sleep

they shuffle their memories
they scan them
they scrub the details 
to rid themselves of the brown truth



they stumble by their mornings
with closed eyes

they disguise their past
and disown their future
for the fear 
that someone would notice
the purple bruises on their conscience

I guess it is time
somebody told them

one has not lived 
if one has not known guilt at all

but then
one is no longer living
if all one knows now is guilt

228. Raat ke do baje

Zoya

raat ke do baje hain

mujhe pata hai
aaj bhi 
tum bedaar si baithi hogi
apne kooche

tumhare deewaron pe 
shaayad
tumne sureela sa koi nagma
taanga hoga
jise tum apni ungliyon pe lapetkar
gungunaati hogi

yaa phir kisi kitaab ke kaagazon me
betaab se atke lafzon pe
sukoon chidakti hogi
tum apni aankhon se

yaa phir shaayad 
tum apne baraamde me khadi hogi
kohre se muqaabla karti hui
(agar wo dheet hai 
to tum kuch kam ziddi nahin)

tumhaare ird-gird
kuch surkh se khayaal
sulagte honge

thode khayaal 
tum
dhue me udaati hogi
unme jaan phoonk-ke

aur thode khayaal
bujhaati hogi 
apni edhi ke neeche

Zoya
raat ke do baje hain

aur mera kissa kuch alag nahin

mere yahaan 
neend bahut padi rahti hai aaj-kal
jo kharch hoti nahin mujhse

main
besukoon sa
koshish to karta rahta hoon
chutki chutki ise soonghta hoon
par ye nikammi to khatm hi nahin hoti

chalo
aaj kyon na 
ham ek sauda kare

main 
tumhare ghar
neend ki teen-chaar boriyaan
bhijwa deta hoon

aur tum
mujhe
bas apni aankhon me padi
sukoon ki ek-aadh pudiya baandh-kar
bhijwa dena

tum bhi khush
aur main bhi

kya kahti ho -
theek hai na?!

227. Safar

 justajoo me jis sukoon ke
 har pahar main dar-badar gaya
 masroof tha jab talaash me
 paas hoke bas wo guzar gaya

****
 dareeche khule to hain bahut
 darwaaze saare band hain
 kaisa jahaan hai ke har koi
 apne hi aks pe shaq kar gaya


****
 bas pal do pal ki fursaten
 bematlab unki numaaishen
 thodi zindagi ki aarzoo liye
 ek arsa yun hi guzar gaya

****
 sabhi ke pados me dard hai
 dekhta to hai use har koi
 magar nazar to aata nahin  
 tha kaun wo ab jo mar gaya

 charche bahut hain, ummeed bhi
 yun kitne pahar hue shaheed bhi
 din bujha to sab kuch bhool ke
 har koi apne apne ghar gaya 
 
****
 kahin ranjishen kahin raunaken
 har kisika fasaana ek sa
 yun hi dhadkanen tez ho uthi
 phir yun hi dil ye thahar gaya



***
 ae ajanabee se aasamaan
 tera ham-shaql jo tha kal yahaan
 meri muhabbaton ka gawaah tha
 bata zara woh kidhar gaya

----

Coherence is over-rated, like I always maintain.

226. Cocooned in phrases

sometimes I wonder-

does a metaphor know when it comes by,
if I were willing to host it?

or does it meet with others of its ilk
to conspire and invade
my mind,
bumping into me
in condolences and congratulations,
pick-up lines and sticky notes?

I have been accompanied
by innocuous-looking idioms
all my life

they indulgently walk with me
through stories
through dreams
through thoughts

they guide me through unfamiliar mindscapes
restraining me, releasing me
coaxing me, coloring me

they pirouette on tongues of storytellers
they sing out of soiled pages

they carry a dozen emotions in their tow
and drown me in their overwhelming hues

they return to the graves of their origins
origins which had perished unnoticed
to recount their tales
of generosity and valor

sometimes I wonder-

how long does a metaphor live,
before it meets an accident
or an inquisition?
 
sometimes I wonder-

am I, their guardian?
 
or are they, mine -
making sense of reality for me,
where there is none?

225. Ae deewane

 ae deewane,
 aise kyun khoya-khoya rahta hai
 kaisi khwahishein piroya karta hai

 jo tha jahaan, wahaan ab to nahin hai
 wo hai wahaan, jahaan ab tu nahin hai

 to kya hua

 nazaren uthake dekh mujhe
 sar apne aasmaan aaj bhi wahi hai

--

 
 yaadon ke siyaah roohon ka
 shab-o-roz, peecha karta hai kyun
 dareechon pe khade hawaaon se
 aise rang-o-boo poncha karta hai

 ajnabi aainon se apna pata
 apna naam poocha karta hai kyun
 akhbaaron me, tasveeron me
 apna aashiyaan khoja karta hai

 haan, 

 lafz alag hain, lahje alag se
 kaafile badal gaye, mehfilen alag hain
 
 chaah alag hain, chehre alag se
 karwaan badal gaye, manzilen alag hain

 to kya hua

 jo tha jahaan, wahaan ab to nahin hai
 wo hai wahaan, jahaan ab tu nahin hai

 par nazarein uthake dekh mujhe
 sar apne aasmaan aaj bhi wahi hai

224. Air-conditioning

aapne suna hai?!
aaj kal mausam kaafi sakht ho gaye hai

hamne to notice hi nahin kiya
ham itne masroof jo rahte hain, na!
apne sheeshe ki gufaaon me
eent ke bakson me
hawaai jahaazon me

bas kabhi kabaar akhbaar me dikh jaata hai -
garmiyon me temperature paintalees degrees tha,
pathjhad me do degrees.
aur kahin yeh bhi padha tha-
is baar barsaat ke mausam me
kahin par kuch do hazaar ghar bah gaye
tch tch!

hamne to gaur hi nahin kiya

yeh bhi pata nahin chala
ke seene me bhi 
aaj kal mausam kuch sakht ho gaye hain

seene me patjhad sa rahta hai
na jaane kabse

jazbaat jam se gaye hain
khwahishen sikudne lage hain, jhadne lage hain
rishte hai ke rookhe se pade rahte hain
kisiko awaaz kya de?!
kuch shor-o-gul zyaada hai har kahin

haan, suna hai
aaj kal mausam kaafi sakht ho gaye hain

khuda ka shukr hai ke har jagah AC rahti hai
main to apne zindagi ka temperature  
baaiis pe maintain karti hoon
aur aap?!

223. Mapless in my mind

Without you around,
the day feels like a foreign territory

I amble around to find my way
with neither a map nor a destination

Your smile, your scent, your stories
which were like
comforting landmarks
reassuring milestones I looked forward to,
are nowhere to be found

I move around
this strange city of long hours,
trying to douse my conspicuous restlessness
with memories
of your warm breath
of your touch
of your penguin eyes
of your voice

But the memories
just make the journey more arduous
and the faces of these long hours just grow longer
and they gawk at me -
a trespasser
without an entry permit
(no love, no sense of humor)

Come back
before it is too late

Come back
to guide me through my days
before I am lost bhayankarly

Come back
soon
and on the way back
don't forget to get me
some fair-trade chocolate
and some handcuffs!! 

222. Craving the blue moon

Get me my blue moon,
my incorrigible insatiable blue moon.

The one who seldom comes by,
but never leaves when he does.

The one who peddles razor sharp dreams
and sniggers at me when I crave for more.

The one who dons dark unruly sarcasm
to match his untamed curls.

Get me my blue moon,
my irresistible irreverent blue moon.

I want to taste the night in his wake
and turn into ash.

221. The Sky Songstress

It was not until

She came along

that algorithmic silence

was so hummable

She would sit

and tune the skies

while the tone deaf evenings

and pitch dark nights

rumbled on

The skies were Her swan song

The now-intolerably-altered song

still plays to

packed audiences -

the seasons,

the undiscerning yet devoted seasons

the unfashionably fanatical seasons

She fled

when they started re-writing her work

(the people who talk in inspired whispers

of things they knew little about

of things they could do little about

of things they cared little about)

She fled and now

She keeps to herself

while She walks through strange silent towns

to hide from taunts of unfinished songs

The winds,

which hoot and whistle in applause

to the off-key skies,

turn mute when they hear Her hum

and She wonders -

would She have felt less miserable,

if She were a song and not a songstress?

220.

muskaate-hanste the, gurrate-danste hain

saleeqe seekh gaye, zamaane ke, kuch ham bhi

ittefaqn sukoon jo mile, bechaini hoti hai

jo dard se ishq sa ho, sazaa lage marham bhi

guzarte hisaab se hai saare paaband pahar

manaaye do pal ke jashn, bas do pal maatam bhi

tasveeron ke teelen bahut sajaate to hain har jaanib

par bun-ne ko yaaden yahaan, waqt hai kuch kam bhi

rah rah-ke sulagte hain, rah rah-ke baraste hain

haan, apne hi jaat ke hai is shahar ke mausam bhi

------

Ruko. Gaur karo. Dekho -

Mehfil me kya rakha hai!

Lutf uthao to safar ka zara.

Manzil me kya rakha hai?!

219. Identity

 I bring the blinds down
 though the streets outside are deserted and dark
 double-lock the doors
 turn all the lights off
 and return to where he lies

 I sit by him
 and close my eyes tight
 needless as it be

 I run my fingers
 over him
 over
 the ridges
 the contours
 the grooves
 familiar yet cold and hostile

 I want to learn him
 by rote
 because knowing him was owning him

 I was free  till now
 because I belonged

 But
 now?!
 
 Now 
 that he leaves me
 unfettered,
 I sit here
 just a name
 trapped in his history

218. belihaaz shahren

  phoonk-ke bujha chali, abr surkh-o-zard se

  pharsh pe chodke kahkashaan gard ke

  bezubaan raat ye,

  badgumaan raat ye

  jaa rahi hai;

  jaane do!

  ------

  dareechon se jhaankti

  zakhmi khamoshiyaan jaanchti

  har dar se lagaake kaan

  goonjti aahen sunke kaanpti

  aadatn tatol-ke,

  har makaan, raat ye

  jaa rahi hai;

  jaane do!

  -------

  isi shahar me the aashiyaan

  khamosh se, syaah se

  moondi aankhon pe jahaan

  milte the khaabgaah se

  kab se hai talaashti,

  wo aashiyaan, raat ye

  jaa rahi hai;

  jaane do!

  --------

  aahaton me uljhe log, bejaan, sard se

  jeb me liye nishaan gumshuda dard ke 

  ise batao, bas ab yahaan

  sukoon ke mazhaar hai

  rakh-ke girvi neenden apni

  har shaqs bezaar hai

  kya karegi, rahke bhi

  ab yahaan raat ye?!

  jaa rahi hai;

  jaane do!

  ---------

217. Dreams

You come by

every now and then

You don't tell me why

neither do I ask you

I mix us both drinks

the usual,

just a tad stiffer

than the last time

(we need it)

My living room

is where I sell you

reassurance and endurance

You stopped talking

the night I stopped listening;

so now I do most of the talking

They say purple umbrellas are the in-thing, this monsoon

Did you hear of this new salon that has opened up?

Ah, my boyfriend - he is such an adorable sleep-talker

All this while I notice –

the purple bruises on your ankles

the blisters on your hands

your eyes sore with fear

But no, we don't talk about all that;

Why wish away our woes, when we can pretend and make-believe?

What we don't acknowledge, does not exist!

You listen

You get high

You slur

You want to be silent

but your stares are intrusive and questioning

and then I know -

you are ready for the same old lies

And then I lie

about hope

I talk of statistical proof

I talk of super heroes

I talk of human kindness

(and the play I saw last night, that made me choke)

I talk of

how a lion adopted a baby antelope

in Kenya, not too long ago

It is all about faith

It is all about learning to wait

What else do I say

when I know - what you want; and that  you want it bad

when I know - you try; and that you try hard

and I know it is still not possible

So I lie

about hope

Good - you know not

that hope

is just another four lettered profanity

Good  - you know not

that I have buried,

in my backyard,

about two dozen

bruised dreams like yourself

murdered by skepticism

And while you fear that

the end may just be around the corner,

I hope that

the end actually is

216. Indignation

do you know what it means
to be oppressed?
to be labelled?
to be categorized by presumptuous humankind?

do you what it means
to be thought that
what you stand for
what you feel,
what you are,
does not warrant
respect
consideration
understanding
or
at the very least, an attempt at any of these?

do you know what it means
to be thought of
as irrelevant...
and worse still,
inconsequential & disposable?

do you know what it means
when it's a foregone conclusion
that you are not as human as the rest of them?

I know.
I noticed what it means.
I thought I was free.
Yet, I chose to walk out last night
foregoing the right
to hold the hand of the person I love most,
my boyfriend.

For the fear
of being arrested or worse,
I walked out
foregoing the right
to hold his hand.

For I am gay.

& there was a mob of moral police
waiting to make the world a better place.

a better place?!

215. choohon ki daud (rat race)

 samjhaana bujhaana to hai shauq sabka ich
 kuch bhi jaane na jaane samjhaane me kya hai?

 aise ich har din hamshaql subahein mile aur
 pooche - "be-shaql shab me gum jaane me kya hai?

 saare manzil ye gar ret ke hain mahal to
 yun hi gumnaam se tham jaane me kya hai?"

 main bola - "miyaan, aise load le re tum kaiku
 daftar, manaane ko maatam, jaane me kya hai?"

---------------

logaan nahin, aise ich baataan karte jaa re, karte jaa re!!!

kya soch le re ki kya ki, maaloom ich nahin!!!!

kuch apni bhi aql thikaane shaayad nahin hai, sadiq
ke har subah yun be-aqlon ki mehfil me chale aate hain

213. Midnight Confessions

Tonight

the room smells of silence

and so I hum to myself

But it doesn't suffice

I need you around to

make this flawed reality

a little more tolerable

I want you to hunt it down 

with your electric racquet

and tie it up 

in a barbwire of conversation

(we are way too sweet with each other

usually)

We could talk of

this

that

and the other

Oh, you love to travel!

I love it too...

I particularly love

this one trek

from behind your pierced ears

to your stubbled chin,

and further!

Ah, what a view?!

(yeah, It's like my private resort

and I intend to keep it that way)

We could mumble midnight confessions

and fumble in the dark

and stumble upon unspoken places

and crumble to nothingness 

We could;

could we not?!

Well,

tonight

our room smells of silence

and I hum to myself

But it doesn't suffice

I need you around

I could say that

I need you to mint memories

but they are too potent

and pointless

I could say that

I need you for eternity

but that is too trite

and trivial

I will just say that

I want you now

now

however long that be

So 

come

defuse this night,

for loneliness is intolerably symmetrical

So

come

let's go on a midnight trek again,

and stumble upon another unspoken place

----------------

Some penguins do fly!! :)

212. Journeys

1.
1.
2.
2.
3.
3. ?!
3. !
3.!!
4. !
4. !!
5. !
5.!!
6.!
6.?

7.!
7.!!

8.
8...
8..?
8.!?

9.?
9.!

10.!

11.!

12.

13

14

15

16


-------------------------


Love knows no grammar or arithmetic!!
Stay put and love will find its way... it has always!!