Sunday, September 08, 2013

235. Ummeed


gin ginke savere utaare
ek tu hai ki aata hi nahin

chun chunke andhere guzaare
aakhir tu aata kyun nahin

aa jaa
saath apne
thoda ishq tu laa de
thode ashq bhi laa de

apni jaan ganwaa doon
thoda ishq to laa de

---

ulta latka gaya tha, parda ye aasmaan ka
taare jhadne lage hain, aashiyaan jal gaya hai
phir bhi dar pe jame hain, sard raaton ke teele
aag lagti nahin hai, dard jalta nahin hai

jahaan raatein padi hain, thodi aanch badhaa de
zaraa ishq chadaa de, thode ashq jalaa de

---

jitne lamhe the saare, sadiyon me bah gaye hain
yaadon ke kuch nishaan hai, ghaav se rah gaye hain
aise me ab tere bin, saans bharna bhi gam hai
saath jee na sake to, saath mar le - kya kam hai?

jahaan zakhm pale hain, aake ashq lagaa de
ab to jaan ganwaa doon, thoda ishq to laa de

---

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

234. Morning monologues

no
don't do it yet
don't turn yesterday off

no no
not yet
don't turn tomorrow down either

I am yet to make up my mind

I am yet to pin down
all your smiles in my scrap book
your smiles that rhyme with the seasons in my bed

I am yet to paint
all your sounds on my roof
your sounds that mirror the creases on my forehead

no
don't wake up yet

let me hear you
gently breathe in the colors of the night
for a while longer

just like
I watch you
slowly skim through our days
and strip them of all illusions

don't open your eyes
don't let today in

I still do not know
what to do with today

you have kept me too busy

no 
don't let today in
not yet

what if
today
is not built to be our home

what then?
huh?!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

233. Afwaa


usne mujhe dekha
aur maine use

main use jaanti to nahin thi

magar use dekhte hi
mere zahan me
ik khayaal aaya

aisa khayaal
jiske masoom se chehre ke peeche
hazaaron ajeeb-o-gareeb kahaaniyon ki gunjaaish thi

jaane-anjaane me
main uska zikr karti gayi

maine zyaada kuch nahin kaha tha
kisine bhi zyaada kuch nahin kaha hoga

par jitna bhi kaha tha
kaafi tha

afwaayen yunhi nahin phailti!

Thursday, May 09, 2013

232. Come alive

here I am
performing
my life

for you
during the commercial breaks
between the seasons
that you watch and douse vacantly

for you
to notice that
you could be alive-
but are not

I want us to be us again
our voices
trespassers without inhibitions
running amok in crowded skies

here I am
performing
my life
performing this schizophrenic tale
that lumbers through your drowsy days
so that we fall back in
where we belong

I don capes and shrouds
each dawn
and fling myself off fake memories
each dusk
for you

here I am
performing
my life
for you to join me

I have tried all the moods
in our wardrobe
to jolt you back into madness
but you still remain sane

and tonight I am going to try on
the last vestiges of insanity
left in there
and woo you back to life

and if you don't come over
I warn you
I will join you in your lifeless sanity

you wouldn't want that,
would you?

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

231. She wanted to be...

she wanted to be
a love story

no - not an unbelievably touching tale!

she wanted to be
revoltingly credible

and so she screamed and howled,
hoping the world would conjure up
the love story
she wanted to be

and she waited
for him to slap her
for bombs to explode in the background
for loud percussion to accompany their each thrust
for aliens to abduct her

but nothing ever happened

all she ever wanted was to be
a love story

no - not one that is timeless!

she wanted to be
a contemporary love story
a raucous pungent ugly violent disturbing one!!

if only she knew
that he loved her too much for that

and unfortunately for her
she will be remembered
as a sensuous love poem
for centuries to come

poor thing!

---
Dedicated to love-hunters in the jungle
and a birthday boy.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

230. Bablu ke shauk


 hatheliyon me apni kismat padhna
 paheliyon me apni hasrat likhna

 nazmon me deewano sa ibaadat karna
 boson me dil ki inaayat likhna

 har shab kuch puraane khat padhna
 har subah ik nayi muhabbat likhna


--

 aye haye haye haye... mu-ha-bbat!!
 bevkoof!
 tu aise chakkar me mat padiyo, bablu
 kahe deti hoon, haan!
 ye pyaar-vyaar badi mahangi lat hai

 random nazron me green signal mat padhna
 dil aa jaaye kahin to love letter mat likhna

 aise dangerous shauk paalte hain jo
 woh aur honge fursat-waale.
 hamare paas in sab ke liye
 na time hai
 na paise

 ye le paise, sethji ke dukaan pe jaa
 janvari ka udhaar chuka
 kah dena, pichle maheene ka, kuch hafton me de denge

 har subah ik nayi muhabbat likhna!!
 yahaan meri jaan nikle jaa rahi hai,
 aur yeh nawaab saab bade aaye, muhabbat likhne wale
 huh!!

 do joote padenge to
 saare daure set ho jaayenge, haan!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

229. Guilt

they smile too easily
and smile too much

they mourn too often
and mourn too little


they shuffle their memories
the few that their bulimic minds have not purged yet
before they go to sleep

they shuffle their memories
they scan them
they scrub the details 
to rid themselves of the brown truth



they stumble by their mornings
with closed eyes

they disguise their past
and disown their future
for the fear 
that someone would notice
the purple bruises on their conscience

I guess it is time
somebody told them

one has not lived 
if one has not known guilt at all

but then
one is no longer living
if all one knows now is guilt

228. Raat ke do baje

Zoya

raat ke do baje hain

mujhe pata hai
aaj bhi 
tum bedaar si baithi hogi
apne kooche

tumhare deewaron pe 
shaayad
tumne sureela sa koi nagma
taanga hoga
jise tum apni ungliyon pe lapetkar
gungunaati hogi

yaa phir kisi kitaab ke kaagazon me
betaab se atke lafzon pe
sukoon chidakti hogi
tum apni aankhon se

yaa phir shaayad 
tum apne baraamde me khadi hogi
kohre se muqaabla karti hui
(agar wo dheet hai 
to tum kuch kam ziddi nahin)

tumhaare ird-gird
kuch surkh se khayaal
sulagte honge

thode khayaal 
tum
dhue me udaati hogi
unme jaan phoonk-ke

aur thode khayaal
bujhaati hogi 
apni edhi ke neeche

Zoya
raat ke do baje hain

aur mera kissa kuch alag nahin

mere yahaan 
neend bahut padi rahti hai aaj-kal
jo kharch hoti nahin mujhse

main
besukoon sa
koshish to karta rahta hoon
chutki chutki ise soonghta hoon
par ye nikammi to khatm hi nahin hoti

chalo
aaj kyon na 
ham ek sauda kare

main 
tumhare ghar
neend ki teen-chaar boriyaan
bhijwa deta hoon

aur tum
mujhe
bas apni aankhon me padi
sukoon ki ek-aadh pudiya baandh-kar
bhijwa dena

tum bhi khush
aur main bhi

kya kahti ho -
theek hai na?!

227. Safar


 justajoo me jis sukoon ke
 har pahar main dar-badar gaya
 masroof tha jab talaash me
 paas hoke bas wo guzar gaya


****
 dareeche khule to hain bahut
 darwaaze saare band hain
 kaisa jahaan hai ke har koi
 apne hi aks pe shaq kar gaya



****
 bas pal do pal ki fursaten
 bematlab unki numaaishen
 thodi zindagi ki aarzoo liye
 ek arsa yun hi guzar gaya


****
 sabhi ke pados me dard hai
 dekhta to hai use har koi
 magar nazar to aata nahin  
 tha kaun wo ab jo mar gaya

 charche bahut hain, ummeed bhi
 yun kitne pahar hue shaheed bhi
 din bujha to sab kuch bhool ke
 har koi apne apne ghar gaya 
 

****
 kahin ranjishen kahin raunaken
 har kisika fasaana ek sa
 yun hi dhadkanen tez ho uthi
 phir yun hi dil ye thahar gaya




***
 ae ajanabee se aasamaan
 tera ham-shaql jo tha kal yahaan
 meri muhabbaton ka gawaah tha
 bata zara woh kidhar gaya


----

Coherence is over-rated, like I always maintain.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

226. Cocooned in phrases

sometimes I wonder-

does a metaphor know when it comes by,
if I were willing to host it?


or does it meet with others of its ilk
to conspire and invade
my mind,
bumping into me
in condolences and congratulations,
pick-up lines and sticky notes?

I have been accompanied
by innocuous-looking idioms
all my life

they indulgently walk with me
through stories
through dreams
through thoughts

they guide me through unfamiliar mindscapes
restraining me, releasing me
coaxing me, coloring me

they pirouette on tongues of storytellers
they sing out of soiled pages


they carry a dozen emotions in their tow
and drown me in their overwhelming hues


they return to the graves of their origins
origins which had perished unnoticed
to recount their tales
of generosity and valor

sometimes I wonder-


how long does a metaphor live,
before it meets an accident
or an inquisition?
 

sometimes I wonder-

am I, their guardian?
 

or are they, mine -
making sense of reality for me,
where there is none?

Thursday, December 27, 2012

225. Ae deewane

 ae deewane,
 aise kyun khoya-khoya rahta hai
 kaisi khwahishein piroya karta hai

 jo tha jahaan, wahaan ab to nahin hai
 wo hai wahaan, jahaan ab tu nahin hai

 to kya hua

 nazaren uthake dekh mujhe
 sar apne aasmaan aaj bhi wahi hai

--
 
 yaadon ke siyaah roohon ka
 shab-o-roz, peecha karta hai kyun
 dareechon pe khade hawaaon se
 aise rang-o-boo poncha karta hai

 ajnabi aainon se apna pata
 apna naam poocha karta hai kyun
 akhbaaron me, tasveeron me
 apna aashiyaan khoja karta hai

 haan, 
 lafz alag hain, lahje alag se
 kaafile badal gaye, mehfilen alag hain
 
 chaah alag hain, chehre alag se
 karwaan badal gaye, manzilen alag hain

 to kya hua

 jo tha jahaan, wahaan ab to nahin hai
 wo hai wahaan, jahaan ab tu nahin hai

 par nazarein uthake dekh mujhe
 sar apne aasmaan aaj bhi wahi hai

Thursday, September 20, 2012

224. Air-conditioning

aapne suna hai?!
aaj kal mausam kaafi sakht ho gaye hai


hamne to notice hi nahin kiya
ham itne masroof jo rahte hain, na!
apne sheeshe ki gufaaon me
eent ke bakson me
hawaai jahaazon me

bas kabhi kabaar akhbaar me dikh jaata hai -
garmiyon me temperature paintalees degrees tha,
pathjhad me do degrees.
aur kahin yeh bhi padha tha-

is baar barsaat ke mausam me
kahin par kuch do hazaar ghar bah gaye

tch tch!

hamne to gaur hi nahin kiya

yeh bhi pata nahin chala

ke seene me bhi 
aaj kal mausam kuch sakht ho gaye hain

seene me patjhad sa rahta hai

na jaane kabse

jazbaat jam se gaye hain
khwahishen sikudne lage hain, jhadne lage hain
rishte hai ke rookhe se pade rahte hain

kisiko awaaz kya de?!
kuch shor-o-gul zyaada hai har kahin

haan, suna hai
aaj kal mausam kaafi sakht ho gaye hain

khuda ka shukr hai ke har jagah AC rahti hai
main to apne zindagi ka temperature  

baaiis pe maintain karti hoon
aur aap?!

223. Mapless in my mind

Without you around,
the day feels like a foreign territory

I amble around to find my way
with neither a map nor a destination

Your smile, your scent, your stories
which were like
comforting landmarks
reassuring milestones I looked forward to,
are nowhere to be found

I move around
this strange city of long hours,
trying to douse my conspicuous restlessness
with memories
of your warm breath
of your touch
of your penguin eyes
of your voice

But the memories
just make the journey more arduous
and the faces of these long hours just grow longer
and they gawk at me -
a trespasser
without an entry permit
(no love, no sense of humor)

Come back
before it is too late

Come back
to guide me through my days
before I am lost bhayankarly

Come back
soon
and on the way back
don't forget to get me
some fair-trade chocolate
and some handcuffs!! 


222. Craving the blue moon

Get me my blue moon,
my incorrigible insatiable blue moon.

The one who seldom comes by,
but never leaves when he does.

The one who peddles razor sharp dreams
and sniggers at me when I crave for more.

The one who dons dark unruly sarcasm
to match his untamed curls.

Get me my blue moon,
my irresistible irreverent blue moon.

I want to taste the night in his wake
and turn into ash.

Monday, November 14, 2011

221. The Sky Songstress


It was not until
She came along
that algorithmic silence
was so hummable

She would sit
and tune the skies
while the tone deaf evenings
and pitch dark nights
rumbled on

The skies were Her swan song

The now-intolerably-altered song
still plays to
packed audiences -
the seasons,
the undiscerning yet devoted seasons
the unfashionably fanatical seasons

She fled
when they started re-writing her work
(the people who talk in inspired whispers
of things they knew little about
of things they could do little about
of things they cared little about)

She fled and now
She keeps to herself
while She walks through strange silent towns
to hide from taunts of unfinished songs

The winds,
which hoot and whistle in applause
to the off-key skies,
turn mute when they hear Her hum

and She wonders -
would She have felt less miserable,
if She were a song and not a songstress?

Sunday, November 13, 2011

220.

muskaate-hanste the, gurrate-danste hain
saleeqe seekh gaye, zamaane ke, kuch ham bhi

ittefaqn sukoon jo mile, bechaini hoti hai
jo dard se ishq sa ho, sazaa lage marham bhi

guzarte hisaab se hai saare paaband pahar
manaaye do pal ke jashn, bas do pal maatam bhi

tasveeron ke teelen bahut sajaate to hain har jaanib
par bun-ne ko yaaden yahaan, waqt hai kuch kam bhi

rah rah-ke sulagte hain, rah rah-ke baraste hain
haan, apne hi jaat ke hai is shahar ke mausam bhi

------

Ruko. Gaur karo. Dekho -
Mehfil me kya rakha hai!
Lutf uthao to safar ka zara.
Manzil me kya rakha hai?!

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

219. Identity

 I bring the blinds down
 though the streets outside are deserted and dark
 double-lock the doors
 turn all the lights off
 and return to where he lies

 I sit by him
 and close my eyes tight

 needless as it be

 I run my fingers
 over him
 over
 the ridges
 the contours
 the grooves
 familiar yet cold and hostile

 I want to learn him
 by rote
 because knowing him was owning him

 I was free  till now

 because I belonged

 But
 now?!
 
 Now 

 that he leaves me
 unfettered,
 I sit here
 just a name
 trapped in his history

Saturday, August 20, 2011

218. belihaaz shahren

  phoonk-ke bujha chali, abr surkh-o-zard se
  pharsh pe chodke kahkashaan gard ke

  bezubaan raat ye,
  badgumaan raat ye
  jaa rahi hai;
  jaane do!
  ------
  dareechon se jhaankti
  zakhmi khamoshiyaan jaanchti
  har dar se lagaake kaan
  goonjti aahen sunke kaanpti

  aadatn tatol-ke,
  har makaan, raat ye
  jaa rahi hai;
  jaane do!
  -------
  isi shahar me the aashiyaan
  khamosh se, syaah se
  moondi aankhon pe jahaan
  milte the khaabgaah se

  kab se hai talaashti,
  wo aashiyaan, raat ye
  jaa rahi hai;
  jaane do!
  --------
  aahaton me uljhe log, bejaan, sard se
  jeb me liye nishaan gumshuda dard ke 

  ise batao, bas ab yahaan
  sukoon ke mazhaar hai
  rakh-ke girvi neenden apni
  har shaqs bezaar hai

  kya karegi, rahke bhi
  ab yahaan raat ye?!
  jaa rahi hai;
  jaane do!
  ---------

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

217. Dreams

You come by
every now and then
You don't tell me why
neither do I ask you

I mix us both drinks
the usual,
just a tad stiffer
than the last time
(we need it)

My living room
is where I sell you
reassurance and endurance

You stopped talking
the night I stopped listening;
so now I do most of the talking

They say purple umbrellas are the in-thing, this monsoon
Did you hear of this new salon that has opened up?
Ah, my boyfriend - he is such an adorable sleep-talker

All this while I notice –
the purple bruises on your ankles
the blisters on your hands
your eyes sore with fear

But no, we don't talk about all that;
Why wish away our woes, when we can pretend and make-believe?
What we don't acknowledge, does not exist!

You listen
You get high
You slur
You want to be silent
but your stares are intrusive and questioning
and then I know -
you are ready for the same old lies

And then I lie
about hope

I talk of statistical proof
I talk of super heroes
I talk of human kindness
(and the play I saw last night, that made me choke)
I talk of
how a lion adopted a baby antelope
in Kenya, not too long ago

It is all about faith
It is all about learning to wait

What else do I say
when I know - what you want; and that  you want it bad
when I know - you try; and that you try hard
and I know it is still not possible

So I lie
about hope

Good - you know not
that hope
is just another four lettered profanity

Good  - you know not
that I have buried,
in my backyard,
about two dozen
bruised dreams like yourself
murdered by skepticism

And while you fear that
the end may just be around the corner,
I hope that
the end actually is

Saturday, May 14, 2011

216. Indignation

do you know what it means
to be oppressed?
to be labelled?
to be categorized by presumptuous humankind?

do you what it means
to be thought that
what you stand for
what you feel,
what you are,
does not warrant
respect
consideration
understanding
or
at the very least, an attempt at any of these?

do you know what it means
to be thought of
as irrelevant...
and worse still,
inconsequential & disposable?

do you know what it means
when it's a foregone conclusion
that you are not as human as the rest of them?

I know.
I noticed what it means.
I thought I was free.
Yet, I chose to walk out last night
foregoing the right
to hold the hand of the person I love most,
my boyfriend.

For the fear
of being arrested or worse,
I walked out
foregoing the right
to hold his hand.

For I am gay.

& there was a mob of moral police
waiting to make the world a better place.

a better place?!