Me or Life?!

Worse than verse!!

Life, an awfully awesome maze
of things beyond time n space
Freezing nights & molten days
I stand and I drift away someplace
I run to keep out of the race!
does not seem to work anyways
But I try to keep a straight face
Now I know where to seek solace
enemy's defeat is in my embrace!
now no matter what anyone says
Cannot stop myself
...from hating to love life!
...from loving to hate life!!

Ae Beqadar

Kabhi kabaar ae beqadar tu mere dar aata hai
Jab bhi aata hai kyun dil mera yun bhar aata hai

Ek arse se chupaya tha jise maine saari duniya se
Tumhe dekhkar har woh alfaz labon pe utar aata hai
Jab bhi aata hai kyun dil mera yun bhar aata hai

Aisa bhi nahin ke apni aaj yeh mulaqaat pehli hai
Aaj tu kyun kuch alag sa kuch apna sa nazar aata hai
Jab bhi aata hai kyun dil mera yun bhar aata hai

Tumhe na sochoon main ab, dil mujhse iltaja yeh kare
Koshishein kii hazaron; tera khayaal magar aata hai
Jab bhi aata hai kyun dil mera yun bhar aata hai

Bas ek main mareez nahin, mujhe itna yakeen hai
Ek junoon sa chod jaata hai jab bhi jidhar aata hai
Jab bhi aata hai kyun dil mera yun bhar aata hai

vague emotions!

Years of patience
Ages of hard work
Finally I was there!
Could not wait to break the news!
Running & panting, reached my doorstep
Crowd at home, already celebrating!
They knew! They cared!!
'Mom, I won it!'
Unlistening reply - 'He walked!'
I looked at my brother,
3 years my elder
many years my younger
Hero of the day,
ever since I remembered.
He walked!
His first step!!
A tear sneaked out of my eye-
A tear of joy?
A tear of jealousy??

Glistening Shadows

An Ode to Reluctant Innocence & Deliberate Ignorance - SUSHMA

What do I remember when I think of you?
If only words could say all there is!
The lifts, the shifts
The b'days, the bad gifts
The unnoticed drifts
The shards of hope
The bundles of breathlessness
An era of restless groping
Few moments waiting with bated breath
A few days vanishing unseen
The numb seasons, the dumb indifference
Two drops of twilight in the backyard
The spread of warm sunshine on the road oft taken
A few walks, a thousand words
A smile breaking into a zillion sweet thoughts
The evenings when just the two of us were a crowd
Rest of the world lost in blissful oblivion
Coffee pub gossips
Cab trips, verbal whips
Bitter rendezvous; sweet calls
The innocent questions, the innocuous complaints
The confusion torn out of sight
The sermons & the understanding silence
Unending days, Weak darkness
Taking away a part of me
Leaving me more complete than before
Losing all I have, yet intact & untouched
Dark rooms...long shadows
Shadows glistening long after it's light
Memories aplenty when I think of you
But I remember you as the one who showed me...
Glistening Shadows!!

Aur bhi hain

nazar hatake dekhenge to jahaan me silsile aur bhi hain
silsilon se shiqwa na kijiye,karne ko gile aur bhi hain

pinjre se muhabbat karne waale marzi se qaid ho jaate hain
aasmaan se rishtey banate nahin,udaan se gair ho jaate hain
udne ka armaan se ajnabi, ham jaise manchale aur bhi hai
silsilon se shiqwa na kijiye,karne ko gile aur bhi hain

aasmaan ko chode huye arsa hua, woh to bas naam hai
khokle manzilon ke peeche kitne parinde badnaam hain
aap akele nahin, yun aasmaan ko choone chale aur bhi hain
silsilon se shiqwa na kijiye,karne ko gile aur bhi hain

daayre mushkil se bharte hain, maayne badal jaate hain
khwahishen kya hai khuda jaane kaayde badal jaate hain
zindagi koi ik cheez nahin, yahaan pe faisle aur bhi hain
silsilon se shiqwa na kijiye,karne ko gile aur bhi hain

taras khaate hain, aur beemaar dil ko jaam de dete hain
pyaale me pyaas bharke use pyaar ka naam de dete hain
muhabbat ke maiqade me is qadar diljale aur bhi hain
silsilon se shiqwa na kijiye,karne ko gile aur bhi hain

shama phoonkne se andhera hain, andhere phoonkne se ujaala nahin
aap jis subah ka pata dhoondhte hain, nazdeek me woh ilaaka nahin
meelon me naape nahin jaate, benaam faasle aur bhi hain
silsilon se shiqwa na kijiye,karne ko gile aur bhi hain

Ah Life!

Slow sundowns & dim daybreaks,
Moving light & sliding shades,
Visiting seasons, melting flakes,
Some green grass, few yellow blades.

Some lingering smiles, some haunting faces
Few howls of laughter, some echoing screams
Some, trying hard to wipe out traces
Some, building hopes, celebrating dreams

Mute mornings, silent smiling company
Loud nights, crackling bonfire flames
Thoughtful walks, there were so many
Some playful glances, some love games

Messy infants , middle age odes
Muddled husbands, meddling wives,
Muffled footsteps, muddy roads,
Huddles & hurdles,lovers & lives.

Seen all this & maybe much more
I have lost count of things around
How do I say what else' in store?
Too busy into the lost & found.

Maybe my life is a picnic spot
People come for a while, and then move on;
But can't turn off their shadows, no matter what
Can't mute their sounds after they're gone!

I am Afraid!!

Among the ones I am more fond of; one of the oldest!

Yes!I am afraid to smile!
I do not trust guests,
here today, gone tomorrow,
leavin' me to spend the rest,
of days in agony n sorrow.
I do not know if this smile is gonna stay.
I do not wish to be smilin' jus' for a day.
Yes! I am afraid...

Yes! I am afraid to wish!afraid to hope!
I have always hated traitors,
& traitors are what these things are!
Deserting me midway here,
when they had sworn to take me afar.
These dying desires, these heartless hopes,
gimme wings to fly .
I am tired of all the wasted take-offs
they leave me alone & die.
Wherever I go there're tongues of fire,
licking away at my wings of desire!
In the end I'm left shedding tears
helplessly at my hopes' funeral pyre.
Yes! I am afraid...

Yes!I am afraid to dream!
These are as helpless as I am...
They promise to stay with me when my eyes are shut tight;
but beg my pardon & bid adieu at dawn, teary-eyed.
I am tired of understanding their helplessness & them.
I am afraid i cannot forgive them this time again.
Yes! I am afraid...

Yes! I am afraid to be happy.
Over the years I have been clueless,
about this thing people call happiness.
I have always been afraid of strangers.
There is definitely something strange about happiness,
'coz it has never visited me.
I do not want to be happy;
I do not wish to take a chance.
What if happiness does'nt want me;
What if it has other plans.
Yes! I am afraid...

Afraid to smile...
Afraid to wish...
Afraid to hope...
Afraid to dream...
I am afraid to be happy...

Koi aaya hi nahin

mere darwaaze tak aaj phir koi aaya hi nahin
tanhaiyon ke siwa kisine mujhe apnaaya hi nahin

roshni bhi mujhse khafa hai aaj kuch is qadar
hoon tanha yun; nazar me mere koi saaya bhi nahin
tanhaiyon ke siwa kisine mujhe apnaaya hi nahin

maut se utna khauff nahin jitna zindagi ka hai
in uljhi saanson ko jhelna mujhe kabhi aaya hi nahin
tanhaiyon ke siwa kisine mujhe apnaaya hi nahin

khud ko chod aaya main pichli ghadiyon me kahin
kuch yun khoya;phir khud ko dhoondh paaya hi nahin
mere darwaaze tak aaj phir koi aaya hi nahin

ek aahat ko tarasta hoon is khamosh aalam me baithe
sadiyaan guzre magar mujhe kisine bulaaya hi nahin
mere darwaaze tak aaj phir koi aaya hi nahin

Words

To hold onto a fleeting thought;

To freeze in my heart a moment, short,

It is just words that I turn to.
In time’s maze, many forgotten stories,

When I wish to relive those memories,

It is these words that I return to.

So many hopes & so many fears,

many a smile & so many tears,

Just words to hold them all.
So many unspoken emotions

& so many unknown notions

Just words to unfold them all.

When together or when far apart,

Words are all we need to cross our heart;

Or just words to cross swords.
Life throws some easy, some tough clues

And words are all we get to use

Our lives are, but, crosswords!